17 weeks

A girl at my mom's work is 17 weeks pregnant. She is going to be getting an abortion Friday. For some reason I am completely consumed by this and cannot think of anything else. I am utterly heartbroken that someone who could possibly feel their baby move and know what the sex is would want to terminate their pregnancy. I'm actually pro-choice but to a certain extent. I mean I realize people make mistakes but fix your mistakes at 4 weeks, not 17 weeks. I just keep thinking that in 6 weeks this baby could possibly survive the NICU. I read many blogs and boards and sooo many women have lost their babies and it just makes me wish I could do something to stop this. I want to call her parents, send her a link to a youtube 17 wk sonogram, link her to a blog to someone who has been trying for 10 years to have a child. I know it's not my business and it really has nothing to do with me, but I can't help thinking about it since I found out.

Last Round

I finished my last round of Clo.mid and am hoping to ovulate this week. I stepped it up from last time using 150 mg of the Clom.id, preseed before we BD, and taking magnesium- which I heard helps for fertility but also helps cramping in the legs and stuff I get at night so I love the dual purpose. This time has to be THE time, because this was my last round of the meds for awhile. DH and I need a break, after 2 years of ovulation timing, progesterone, scheduled BD, and now Clo.mid. I hate that I'm now a "quitter". But I think thats what DH and I need. Since we've moved into our house we have barely had anything but scheduled BD and lots of meds, so I think we will see what happens and maybe I will start up after the new year, or whenever DH and I decide we want to start trying again. I just need time and more support from DH before we do anything more than Clo.mid. I obviously can't do IUI, IVF, or adoption by myself. So all things I can cross are crossed that I will get my break but because I'm pregnant and not because I have to wait until we're ready to try again.

CD1

I am up at 3 am currently with a bad toothache. I got up to pee and I started..:(. I'm upset but it's not like I didn't it was coming. I've been a little bloated and had some AF symptoms. But that still didn't stop me from testing, since I was supposed to start on Monday. Yesterday I had a migraine so bad I almost called into work, so I knew AF was on her way- that's always my tell tale sign. I'm going to call my Dr. in about 6 hours when they open to have them send out my next round of clo.mid 150mg. I'm also going to try a sperm-friendly lubricant because I was told sometimes the clo.mid can cause hostile CM. So we'll see what happens this time. I hope this will be our month!

DH and I had a great anniversary. He arranged a petsitter and took me to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. It was a whole night without the dogs! And as I reminded DH, it was the first time I haven't spent the night at home since we bought the house. We went to dinner and spent the night in the hot tub and the casino (the hotel is connected to a casino).

Also monday night when I got home from work DH informed the his little sister (younger than him, older than me) was getting married tuesday. When I met DH she was getting a divorce, and now she married the guy she was cheating on her husband with. I'm praying she didn't get married because she's pregnant. I'm not saying I don't think she shouldn't have kids, but I'm hoping its just not now. She's one of those petite cute blonde girls with fake boobs. There is something about her that rubs me the wrong way sometimes, she's very sweet but it irks me that she chose to get married on a tuesday 2 days after our anniversary. Sorry I just felt like venting about this since it's bugging me, and since AF is here I'm sure it will bug me more.

At work a girl who was on medical leave for her pregnancy, returned last week. I'm pretty much scheduled with her all the time, in which she spends it by rubbing her belly at every single second, and I'm not exaggerating. She was a drug addict and I hated her before she got pregnant. It's just worse now that she talks every second she gets about her baby and her pregnancy. The first night during her tirade about how she hates being pregnant and there are some girls who just like it but she doesn't and she can't wait for it to be over, I ended up in tears and had to run into the bathroom before anybody saw and thought I was crazy. I've learned to tolerate it since then, it still bugs me but I haven't ended up in tears again. I only have a few more months before she is out on maternity leave.

I'm hoping things start getting better soon, and I'm finally going to try and get some sleep even though the pain meds haven't kicked in for my tooth. Ugh.