Monday, May 24, 2010
Checking in...
I'm just here for a minute to check in. AF visited me on saturday morning at work. So we have a negative for my first try of Femara. My cycle is always a mystery to me but since I figured I ovulated exactly two weeks before I started, it was kinda nice to have AF show up to the day when I expected it. Normally it just comes when it comes because with the PCOS it's hard to track ovulation. This was our last try for awhile because of some marriage issues we've been having. We are not doing to well together and I'm trying very hard to figure out where we go next. DH is not living at home as of a week ago and we took a week apart. We've talked two times for about an hour each time and both times we discussed counseling vs ending our marriage. So things arent too good around here. I'm not sure where we are going from here, I'm hoping to go counseling and to learn to communicate. At some point our lines of communication have broken down. Neither one of us are happy and we're just so angry with each other. A lot of it has to do with my back problems, infertility, and seriously just pushing our biggest problems under the rug. So I'm hoping for this week to get him to come back home and just start over. Just be friends again and find someone who can help us communicate.
Monday, May 17, 2010
A different not me monday
I haven't really been blogging too much because I haven't been feeling like myself. So it's techinally a "not me" monday and I don't really feel like doing an actual one. Anyway I tested last Friday just to make sure I didn't happen to ovulate the weekend before because I wasn't doing any ovulation tests then. It was a BFN. Even though I was sure it would be, any BFN is still depressing. I feel like the 2ww makes me really cranky and really unable to deal with any bullshit. Which is why DH and I are in a huge fight right now. I really wish I was able to get on here and blog about how great my life is, how loving, supportive, and caring my DH is, but that's just not how my life works. It's not perfect, we're not perfect. We fight a lot somethimes, and sometimes things are great. We try for a baby for awhile, then we take a break and then we try again. It's a crazy cycle in which we live. We both want to be parents and we love each other but we just have a few things to work through. I read a lot of blogs and I never read any where they talk about the stress infertility has on there marriage. I mean they say it but I've never read that they are fighting with their husband, that they have huge blow up fights from the infertility drugs. So I'm here to say that things aren't going well at this point. But they'll get better, soon I hope. I test this Friday and I'm pretty sure it will be BFN, as the only symptoms I have are sore boobs (which always happens after I take fertility drugs) and being a little lethargic. I blame the sleepiness on the weather and most of all the cramping and spotting I had has stopped. So we'll see what happens!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
CD 19 and Mother's Day
Today is National Infertility Survival Day aka Mother's Day. I usually don't take it too hard, and my mom understands everything and we try to stay in and eat something or sometimes make it another day. I think it gets a little harder every year, but I think the holidays are harder for me personally. Anyway Happy Mother's Day Mama! Thank you for all your love, support, and understanding. Thank you for putting up with me on and off fertility meds, taking my late night crying calls, and still loving me through all of it. (My mom doesn't actually read my blog, but I still want to say it)
Today is CD 19. The Femara kicked my ass. I reacted the exact same way to it as I did the Clo.mid. We weren't able to BD all the days we needed to, as we weren't actually getting along. I took a few Ovulation tests staring Thursday and it was faint Thursday, darker late Friday, and fainter again yesterday. It wasn't as dark as the control line so I'm not sure if I actually ovulated. TMI AHEAD- I've been having a lot of cramping and some spotting since wednesday. It's all very confusing. Fertility meds are not fun. You're supposed to have timed scheduled sex, but they make you so crazy nobody wants to be around you let alone make a baby with you. Ah, such is the life in the infertile world. I will test probably the 30th anyway. We'll see what happens! Cross your fingers and send some baby dust my way if you can.
Today is CD 19. The Femara kicked my ass. I reacted the exact same way to it as I did the Clo.mid. We weren't able to BD all the days we needed to, as we weren't actually getting along. I took a few Ovulation tests staring Thursday and it was faint Thursday, darker late Friday, and fainter again yesterday. It wasn't as dark as the control line so I'm not sure if I actually ovulated. TMI AHEAD- I've been having a lot of cramping and some spotting since wednesday. It's all very confusing. Fertility meds are not fun. You're supposed to have timed scheduled sex, but they make you so crazy nobody wants to be around you let alone make a baby with you. Ah, such is the life in the infertile world. I will test probably the 30th anyway. We'll see what happens! Cross your fingers and send some baby dust my way if you can.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Random Facts
I was not originally tagged, but I wanted to share some random information for fun!
My job is to share 7 (8 - read #1) random, weird, or totally odd things about myself. Some things people may know and some they don't! So here goes...
1) I hate hate hate odd numbers. I think I have a little OCD and odd numbers drive me crazy because you can't fit things into them evenly. I always choose things with even numbers concert/movie tickets, seats, phone numbers (mine has all even #s), and anything else that would be numbered. And now I don't even pay attention to it, my friends call me out on it!
2) Growing up I was a cat person. I probably had about 50 cats as a kid, seriously. I was never into having animals in my house and tried to avoid dogs wherever I went. Now, I have 3 dogs and work at a vet clinic. Go figure.
3) I want a baby more than anything in the world. And I have since I was two years old and my parents brought my little brother home from the hospital. Every single birthday I asked for a baby doll, usually a Cabbage Patch. At one point in my life I had over 40 baby dolls and 26 of them were Cabbage Patch dolls. I always pictured myself with a baby and always knew I would be a mom, oddly enough I never saw a husband in my future.
4) Music is a-mazing. I can turn on music and it changes my whole mood. I can always put myself back in that moment when I first heard that song, or it brings back memories of certain people and places. And I LOVE to sing, but I happen to be really bad at it. One time while singing on the American Idol game, Simon told me I was the definition of tone deaf. Yeah, I'm that bad.
5) I don't care much for pizza, icecream, or chocolate. I've been told I'm un-American. I can have a little of each, but I never really crave any of them. As a kid I loved all 3, but as I've gotten older I guess my taste buds have changed.
6) I talk a lot. I am soooo chatty all the time. I'm always laughing, making jokes, and smiling. Even on really really bad days, I manage to put a smile on my face and pretend my world isn't coming down around me. It probably stems from childhood when my mom was on chemo and I had to go to school an act like things were fine because I didn't want people feeling sorry for me. I hate getting the "pity look".
7) I'm in love with Vince Vaughn. He's so adorable and funny, and I know he plays the same character in every movie, but it still manages to make me laugh. He's my
2nd husband, he just doesn't know it yet.
8) I love listening to the Howard Stern show. I've been listening for about 5 or 6 years. I used to listen everyday when I worked in a cube and wasn't allowed to talk to my co-workers so I put on my headphones and would turn Stern on and then get in trouble for laughing out loud.
Now my job is to tag seven others who will have to follow these basic rules:
* link your original tagger(s), and list these rules on your blog.
* share seven facts about yourself in the post - some random, some weird.
* tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.
* let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs and/or twitter.
I don't feel like tagging anyone else today so if you feel like being tagged go for it and link back here or let me know so I can go read yours!
My job is to share 7 (8 - read #1) random, weird, or totally odd things about myself. Some things people may know and some they don't! So here goes...
1) I hate hate hate odd numbers. I think I have a little OCD and odd numbers drive me crazy because you can't fit things into them evenly. I always choose things with even numbers concert/movie tickets, seats, phone numbers (mine has all even #s), and anything else that would be numbered. And now I don't even pay attention to it, my friends call me out on it!
2) Growing up I was a cat person. I probably had about 50 cats as a kid, seriously. I was never into having animals in my house and tried to avoid dogs wherever I went. Now, I have 3 dogs and work at a vet clinic. Go figure.
3) I want a baby more than anything in the world. And I have since I was two years old and my parents brought my little brother home from the hospital. Every single birthday I asked for a baby doll, usually a Cabbage Patch. At one point in my life I had over 40 baby dolls and 26 of them were Cabbage Patch dolls. I always pictured myself with a baby and always knew I would be a mom, oddly enough I never saw a husband in my future.
4) Music is a-mazing. I can turn on music and it changes my whole mood. I can always put myself back in that moment when I first heard that song, or it brings back memories of certain people and places. And I LOVE to sing, but I happen to be really bad at it. One time while singing on the American Idol game, Simon told me I was the definition of tone deaf. Yeah, I'm that bad.
5) I don't care much for pizza, icecream, or chocolate. I've been told I'm un-American. I can have a little of each, but I never really crave any of them. As a kid I loved all 3, but as I've gotten older I guess my taste buds have changed.
6) I talk a lot. I am soooo chatty all the time. I'm always laughing, making jokes, and smiling. Even on really really bad days, I manage to put a smile on my face and pretend my world isn't coming down around me. It probably stems from childhood when my mom was on chemo and I had to go to school an act like things were fine because I didn't want people feeling sorry for me. I hate getting the "pity look".
7) I'm in love with Vince Vaughn. He's so adorable and funny, and I know he plays the same character in every movie, but it still manages to make me laugh. He's my
2nd husband, he just doesn't know it yet.
8) I love listening to the Howard Stern show. I've been listening for about 5 or 6 years. I used to listen everyday when I worked in a cube and wasn't allowed to talk to my co-workers so I put on my headphones and would turn Stern on and then get in trouble for laughing out loud.
Now my job is to tag seven others who will have to follow these basic rules:
* link your original tagger(s), and list these rules on your blog.
* share seven facts about yourself in the post - some random, some weird.
* tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.
* let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs and/or twitter.
I don't feel like tagging anyone else today so if you feel like being tagged go for it and link back here or let me know so I can go read yours!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)