BFN Blues

So today I have the BFN blues. I know DH and I are repairing our marriage and all that but as someone who knows what they want, and has wanted it all her life, it's still disheartening to get that BFN. I sit waiting, hoping for a miracle and maybe that 2nd line will magically show up. I took my prometrium every night, BD'd every other night from day 12 to day 28, trust me that took a lot of coercing! I know its not over yet, and like with most PCOSers I could have ovulated late which is why I made sure to BD up to day 28. It could still be too soon to tell but I have a feeling AF is on her way. Last night I had the most amazing dream. I was pregnant and I drove myself to the hospital. I didn't even care about the pain from the contractions and they kept asking me if I wanted my epidural and I just said no I want my baby. Finally I gave birth and they whisked it away and cleaned it up and brought it back with a binky in its mouth with a pink bow on it. My mom handed me my daughter and I just stared at her, amazed at how beautiful she was and how much she looked like DH. She had light blond hair and his nose and eyes, just perfect. I named her Addelyn Christine. My heart was filled with such joy I've never experienced, in real life or a dream. Then I woke up and realized it wasn't real and tried so hard to get back to that hospital bed with that baby in my arms. Anyway I just wanted to give a sort of update and write out my dream so I never forget it, not that I think I ever will.


Back update:
I am now seeing the 3rd doctor in the practice tomorrow. I'm going to meet him and hopefully set up an outpatient procedure called RFN, i think. They are going to go in and burn the nerves to my sacroiliac joint, to hopefully stop the pain. They are convinced this is where my chronic pain is now coming from since they've done all they could for my spine.

One last thing..I started a job this last Tuesday. It's a receptionist at a vet clinic. It's a lot of work but even though I'm still in pain I'm enjoying working those few hours a day. I think it will help me mentally, and help DH and I's marriage. All right I'm off to read other blogs in blogworld!

Working it out

So DH and I are working things out. He's been home for awhile now and we've been able to talk about things and see where we are going from here. I have decided I need a change. I am now seeing a therapist and have been put on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication for now because having chronic pain from my back since I was 23 and having my marriage fall apart after 3 months sort of leads to depression. I'm really working on getting better. Today I got a part-time job so I can help with the bills and still have time to work on getting fixing my back. About 2 weeks ago I had an injection in my Sacriliac joint on my left side and it has taken away about 50% of the pain on that side and has helped tremendously. I have been able to cook, clean, do laundry, and yoga on my Wii.fit my husband bought me. And I've started to lose some weight! I think all this will help me get through this and the fact that my husband and I are doing alot better. I'm really excited for Valentine's Day with him. Anyway we are putting the baby plans sort of on the back burner. I'm refusing to give up completely right now. I am still going to take my Met.formin and the last dose of my Pro.metrium and see what happens but as far as I know I'm still not ovulating. The Pro.metrium did help bring on AF a couple weeks ago, not quite what I normally have but there was something. So I'm hoping to just get my body regular and keep it that way for when we decide to throw ourselves back in the ring. I'm dying to have a baby and I hope we don't wait too long, I just want to make sure we're happy first.