So we've been on the fertility fast track for the last 6 months. I've done 4 rounds of Clo.mid, only getting a surge on the ovulation test on the 2nd one. After the 2nd round failed after confirmed ovulation, we decided to do an IUI. But I failed to get a surge and everytime I went in for an ultrasound I had already ovulated but last month bloodwork showed I didn't ovulate. I go tomorrow for more bloodwork to see if I actually ovulated this last round. Very confusing to us and the doctor & staff. After so many failed IUI's, I asked if we could move straight to IVF after the new year because our insurance covers 4 cycles at 80%. I figured by the time we spent all the money on the medicines, ultrasounds, and IUI's we should just move on to something that would work. The nurse at the Dr's office said that she thinks it is our best chance to bring home a live healthy baby. So on the 22nd we go in to have our talk about IVF. I'm nervous, scared, and excited all in one. It's going to be so hard to get DH on bored with all that we're going to have to do to prepare for the IVF. I've been trying to talk to him and get him ready for it by telling him all the things I know about it. I still have a lot to learn though about injections and stuff.
On to some other things that have been going on in our life... Our "roommates" annouced that my SIL was expecting and I had a really really hard time with it. She then miscarried and they moved out in October. It was the best thing for us because it was causing problems between us having them in the house and then I couldn't believe she knew all about my infertility, we let them live in our house with their baby, and she purposely got pregnant. It was a slap in the face to me.
My brother and SIL are expecting a baby girl in March and I can't be more excited. I sometimes struggle to put a happy face on about my brother and best friend having a baby and I'm not but I know I AM happy for them. It was hard to take her to register, to give up all my "secrets" and research I've been collecting over the years. And she also took my theme for my nursery, and that one stung a lot. I just have to move on and hope that someday I'll get my little miracle.
I honestly have a hard time thinking about what life would be like if we didn't have a child. DH isn't open to adoption, and I just wonder if I would resent him for not allowing me to become a mother. I know that I love him and I can't wait to be parents together, but are we going to be one of those couples that infertility tears apart?
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